Monday, June 15, 2009

Little Bit In Love/Sooner Than Later

Bored at work once again...
figured I'd write.

For those of you who don't know I just got out of a messy break up with
the supposed love of my life.
I still very much love him and would like to be with him later on in life.
I still have days to live, places to see and ppl to meet.

But since that break up I have found a friend,
who was my friend from before, (it that makes any sense)
As a loyal Drake listener... 1 song speaks to this transition...

Little Bit.. youtube it!

KP... has been somewhat theraputic and a breath of fresh air for me at this time in life.
I don't see him as anything more than a friend and that is something I have not had in quite sometime.

I'm to a point right now where I feel like my life is at somewhat of a stand still not knowing what the future holds. In comparsion to my friends, who are working, have families and are financially stable..I feel like I missed that boat.

The interesting thing is, he will listen to me babble for hours and hours about absolutely nothing and that is refreshing....

We share a birthday and a passion for track and field.

He lives 300 miles away so I won't ever have to worry about him physically overstepping his boundaries within our friendship.

He's becoming my best friend and I am ok with that.

"I know you don't break their hearts...But it's you I wanna take apart" Drake


On a more interesting note

I have decided to put working things out with my x on hold...
As much as I love him and all the fun times we shared I just can't do it right now...

The song that speaks volumes at this time is

Sooner than Later...

every word - explains the feelings between both of us.

As much as I love him.. I know time heals wounds so that what I am allowing for...
Moving on is easier said than done!!!

"So can you do me a favor if I pull it together make it sooner than later
We won't be here forever and I realized I waited to long but please don't move on" Drake

Saturday, June 6, 2009


enough is enough where do you go....

I once did a monologue from
"for colored girls who considered suicide when the rainbows enough"
(side note: quotations "-" recognize quotes from the monologue)

"lady in yellow: my love is too delicate to have thrown back on my face.
lady in brown: my love is too beautiful to have thrown back on my face.
lady in purple: my love is too sanctified to have thrown back on my face.
lady in blue: my love is too magic to have thrown back on my face.
lady in orange: my love is too saturday nite to have thrown back on my face.
lady in red: my love is too complicated to have thrown back on my face.
lady in green: my love is too music to have thrown back on my face."

I was the lady in YELLOW but I draw parallels with all these women
Ive wondered if I deserve die.......
would I be happier in heaven {{of course}}
or bcuz i was born in a life of sin would I go to hell.....
but my mom would miss me too much

I can't seem to figure out if everything that has been served to me is
its to happen
if I bought it upon myself :-(

It took me years to be comfortable in myself
build myself up and enjoy my life on my own terms

"i found god in myself& i loved her / i loved her fiercely"
After everything EVERY MAN has put me though..
from my father to my last boyfriend
I realized never settle for less than the best someone can give
"one thing I don’t need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i don’t know what to do wit em
they don’t open doors
or bring the sun back
they don’t make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didn’t nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry."

I'm happy at this time in my life bcuz I did what
I NEEDED to do FOR ME and no one else!!!!
Enough is enough and

We all got dreams and we all star reaching, all star peaking, all-star weekend(Drake)

Thursday, June 4, 2009

True Blessings

It never ceases to amaze me that when I am down on my luck the lord makes a way to make it all work!!!

Just last night a friend of mine rreminded me {it appeared that I forgot for a moment} to have faith in HIM and he'll see me thorugh.

And that he did!!!

I thank god for supplying me with what I need!!!


Espero Que

Every night before iRest my head,
iThank god for all iHave been given.
But there are times iWonder and wish about things...

Sometimes I wished I wasn't here
Sometimes iWonder if I made the right desicions,
how would my life be different.

iPray often bcuz iNeed guidance
iPray bcuz ihave questions and iWant answers...
they never come when iWant them but they come.

iWish I had help
iWish I had guidance
iWish someone would stand over me and tell me
"This is what you need to do to get to where you desire to be"

iWant to see the future...
so iDont regret any desicions made.
i've lost a lot of love and life bcuz of ....

iFear failing.
iFear being alone
iFear death
iFear unhappines
like everybody else iFear the unknown :-(

iFeel like I'm in crazy compeition with the past (Drake)